I will not pretend to have been a fan of the aesthetic that swept through Maplewood these past few months- the darkness, the brooding, the pretend apathy. But I will give credit where it is due: the Goth Baddies were committed. There were rules, and the color palette was limited but at least intentional. The commitment to the Necromancy school was consistent.
And then Cordon happened.
For those who were not present for the undead assault on Maplewood last month, allow me to summarize: a coordinated force of skeletons and wraiths descended on the town, were promptly dominated by our more prepared adventurers, and control was then handed entirely to Cordon who, at the spry age of two hundred and eighteen, made them do a dance termed “The Cha Cha Slide” before they were promptly disposed of.
The Goth Baddies were, unfortunately, present for this. I almost wish they had not been. Instead, they now must continue existing in a world where their entire aesthetic has been forever associated with a line dance led by a man who was alive before three quarters of Maplewood’s current residents’ grandparents were born.
The Goth Baddies cannot come back from that, I am sorry. They simply cannot.
The vacuum they have left in Maplewood is being taken over by something, dare I say, worse. What has moved in to fill it can only be described as chaotic whimsy. Manic. Fae-like. Frantic. Relentless. The mix of chaos and lack of care gives me a migraine.
At least the Goth Baddies were trying. I don’t even know what to make of the newest trend in Maplewood, as it appears to be a cross between “wore what I found on the floor when I woke up” and “raided my grandmother’s attic with no oversight whatsoever”.
I do not blame Cordon. He is a blacksmith and an adventurer and he did what adventurers do, which is solve problems in ways that make the rest of us question our life choices. I blame the Goth Baddie ego for being fragile enough that one elderly man with a captive audience that wasn’t even alive could ruin it entirely by accident.
If you are a Goth Baddie currently reconsidering your wardrobe in light of recent events, my door is open. There are other options. Several of them involve accessories that don’t require a three paragraph tragic backstory.
Maplewood deserves better. It always has.