Product: Imbri’s Vial of Acid
Price : 20 coin
Rating: 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
I have never tasted Imbri’s Hot Sauce, I want that to be established up front. This is a review of watching my husband taste Imbri’s Hot Sauce, which I have now done extensively, at every meal, against my will.
This condiment has replaced me as the most important thing in my kitchen, and my husband now puts it on everything. I made shrimp and rice last week, which I thought was fine. The meal was apparently not fine until the sauce was dumped on top of it, and he has never looked at me the way he looked at the plate in that moment.
The bottle never seems to run out. I open the door to our icebox to retrieve something reasonable for supper and it is there, positioned at the front, somehow continuing to stay full while 20 coin a week disappears from our purse. I attended breakfast at a neighbor’s table last Sunday and it was there as well, sitting between the butter and the salt like it belonged, because apparently every kitchen in Maplewood has a bottle now. This sauce is following me, or (more likely) it is following him, but either way I am the third wheel in this relationship.
Everyone I hear mention it talks about it like a religious experience. I have held the bottle and read the label, which is the full extent of my relationship with this sauce and, increasingly, with my husband. Five stars, because I refuse to drag down the average out of spite and whatever this sauce has that I don’t, it’s clearly working.
Artwork by Liotru. Any unholy symbols noted are purely geometric shapes.